Parenting entails considerable learning on the job. Raising a seven-year-old, I have greatly benefited from the insights of teachers, psychologists, and other caregivers who have provided strategies for navigating the complexities of children’s emotional challenges. The more I learn about assisting a child through significant feelings, the more I recognize that I need these strategies as much as my son does, reports BritPanorama.
Adults often become so absorbed in daily demands that they overlook their own emotional struggles. Dr. Jessi Gold, chief wellness officer for the University of Tennessee System, stated, “We are really focused on the task, not the person doing the task.” Parents validate their children’s feelings and approach them with compassion; however, “we don’t do that to ourselves,” she added.
This realization led me to adopt these parenting techniques for my own benefit. You do not need to be a parent for them to be effective.
Putting myself in time-out
A time-out is typically associated with punishment, but I propose it can also serve as a valuable pause for oneself. When I feel overwhelmed—usually when my child demands more than I can give—I sometimes need to remove myself from the situation to avoid reacting inappropriately. I might retreat to my room.
Dr. Gold calls it a “preemptive time-out.” Stepping back from an overwhelming source of stress provides an opportunity to calm down and avoid regrettable responses. When physical escape isn’t feasible, a simple statement like, “I need a minute,” can buy me time to gather my thoughts.
Is it a big or little problem?
This principle comes from preschool materials designed to help children manage their intense reactions. Children sometimes respond to minor issues with exaggerated emotions, and I have come to realize that I mirror this behaviour. While I may not express it outwardly as they do, I often feel overwhelmed over small matters.
Rather than becoming mired in minutiae, I now ask myself if a problem is big or small. If it’s small, I can either deal with it quickly or choose to let it go, freeing myself from undue mental strain.
A five-minute warning
Transitioning between activities, whether for children moving from playtime to dinner or adults wrapping up work tasks, can be challenging. This shift can often provoke emotional reactions. One effective strategy is to implement a countdown, such as saying, “Five more minutes of playing, then we’re leaving the park.”
Just as we provide children with structured schedules for predictability, we might benefit ourselves by offering similar preparations, Dr. Gold noted.
I have also discovered (with help from a therapist) that I need my own countdown clock. Losing track of time can easily occur when I am absorbed in a task, such as writing this article. Now, I set a calendar alert to remind myself five to fifteen minutes before I need to conclude what I’m working on.
Take three deep breaths
This simple technique has proven to be profoundly helpful. Research indicates deep breathing can alleviate stress, calm the body, stabilize heart rate, and activate the body’s relaxation response. When my son becomes upset, I instruct him to take three deep breaths, whether he has fallen and scraped his knee or feels frustrated about a change in activity.
To model this behaviour, I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth, hoping it will calm both him and myself during stressful moments.
Just eat something
Parents are keenly aware that hangry children can lead to disaster, yet I have often found myself running on nothing but coffee throughout the day. It is often a surprise to realize that dehydration, burnout, or other basic needs influence my mood and focus. Dr. Gold highlighted this connection, stating that failing to eat, drink, or sleep leads to emotional challenges similar to those seen in children.
Even a glass of water and a handful of snacks, like pistachios, can make a significant difference in how one feels throughout the day.
As I navigate these challenges, it becomes increasingly clear that both children and adults benefit from acknowledging their emotions and caring for their needs.
