Rebecca Lucy Taylor reflects on her journey as Self Esteem and the success of her memoir
Rebecca Lucy Taylor, performing under the name Self Esteem, enthralled audiences during her final night at Brixton Academy as part of a three-show run. The event showcased her unique blend of pop music and art, where the crowd, primarily made up of millennial women, passionately sang along to her songs that touch on themes of female empowerment and the challenges of modern womanhood, reports BritPanorama.
Her hit “I Do This All the Time,” from her acclaimed 2021 album Prioritise Pleasure, resonated deeply with fans, marked by its defiant rejection of societal norms regarding femininity. Taylor’s concerts have become a vibrant celebration of solidarity and self-expression, creating an atmosphere of collective empowerment.
Despite her success on stage, Taylor candidly shared her struggles with self-doubt, noting that her streaming numbers remain low, with only about 264,000 monthly listeners on Spotify. “On paper, I’m a flop. But then my gigs are like that. It’s a head fuck,” she remarked, revealing a disconnection between her live performance and digital presence.
As she approaches the launch of her debut memoir this week, Taylor reflects on the challenges faced during the creation of her third album, A Complicated Woman. “I really hated the pressure of putting an album out. I hated making it. I’ve hated that I’ve doubted myself so much,” she admitted, contrasting her energetic stage persona with the vulnerabilities she confronts in her artistry.
Born in Rotherham and approaching her 39th birthday, Taylor reinvented herself as Self Esteem in 2015 after years in indie music. This transformation was a response to the pressures of the music industry, allowing her to reclaim her narrative and address her bisexuality. However, she acknowledges that the production of her recent album challenged her newfound confidence: “Everything you think I think about myself went out the window. I regressed on it all.”
While reflecting on her creative process, Taylor suggests that there were deeply personal elements tied to the album’s production, hinting at the intricacies of her journey toward self-acceptance. “But then it comes back to me not trusting myself. The art suffered from me trying to make sure people weren’t mad with me again,” she explained, further highlighting her internal conflict.
Her candidness extends to personal relationships, as Taylor discusses the impact of “people pleasing,” particularly toward men, areas she has since sought to navigate more consciously. “I think I was always gonna spend most of this year depressed and freaking out,” she commented, juxtaposing her public persona with her private battles.
Today, Taylor is sustaining a light-hearted yet sharp edge to her personality, engaging audiences beyond music through various ventures, including theatre and television appearances. She participated in productions like Cabaret, alongside her commitments with the upcoming London Literature Festival, where she is set to feature her new book.
The memoir, also titled A Complicated Woman, is a reflection of Taylor’s experiences, revealing the anxiety surrounding friendship and societal expectations. “I text nobody back,” she humorously stated, highlighting her struggle with the pressures of connectivity despite her growing prominence.
With her book’s launch anticipated, Taylor recalls a warning from her publisher about potential competition with a high-profile title released the same week, illustrating the unpredictable dynamics of public reception in the literary world. “I only wrote it to make myself feel better,” she remarked, indicating a desire for authenticity over commercial success.
The candid entries in her memoir range across various feminist issues, reflecting wider societal themes that resonate with her generation. As she delves into topics such as misogyny, ambition, and mental health, these reflections are entwined with moments of self-deprecating humour and poignant observations.
Through her narratives, Taylor expresses the complexity of modern womanhood, addressing topics that include societal pressures and the search for validation. Her storytelling is infused with levity yet serves as a commentary on profound themes resonating within the millennial experience.
The book further presents a fictional account of her disappearance, weaving dark humour with sharp critiques of societal attitudes surrounding missing women. Through this lens, Taylor explores broader issues of safety and representation, highlighting shortcomings in how women’s experiences are often represented in media and society.
Today, Taylor appears to embrace a more settled life, sharing personal milestones such as securing a home and engaging in significant relationships. These developments contrast with the uncertainties explored in her music, allowing Taylor to reflect on her personal growth and evolving self-image.
As she plans to explore themes of hope in her forthcoming music, Taylor remarks, “I realised recently, I say all this and talk like this, but God, I’m not that complicated. I’m just a basic white bitch struggling with having a phone.”
‘A Complicated Woman’ is published by Octopus, £22
